On Beauty Privilege

I’ve been afforded many privileges in this world- I’m white, British, and although I describe myself as having come from a working class family, I can’t deny that we had the resources and support that enabled me to become who I am today.

And there’s one more privilege I wish to speak to - the privilege of beauty. In that the way I look largely conforms to the western standards of beauty that is pushed on to us by a patriarchal, capitalist world.

I’ve always been slim, tall, white, blonde and able bodied - terms that have become synonymous with beauty in mainstream culture.

I remember a conversation I had once, in my younger, more ignorant days. I was telling someone that I didn’t see any issues with being a woman and in fact, felt that this gender assignment gave me all sorts of entitlements- I was protected by the police, I rarely had to que for things and generally felt the power in my status as a woman. God bless my friend and colleague as she patiently and lovingly highlighted that this was my experience as a woman who is considered by the society at large to be attractive. She went on to tell me some awful stories about the treatment of woman who looked very different to me, by police, bouncers, authorities. We never mentioned race at the time but the parallels hang heavy in my words as I type.

Because I look this way I am almost instantly noticed, people tend to like me or are drawn to me without even really knowing me. This plays out in the real world and online.

I talk about being sexually liberated and fucking off the conventions and trappings of a patriarchal society, all the while showing up wrapped in a cute little box with a perfect little bow that this very system put me in - and then I directly benefit from that.

Do I have the answers to this conundrum? - No.
Have I just taken part in a photoshoot of me looking all beaut and glam? - Yes.
Do I believe the way I look to be the definition of beauty? - Fuck that!
Am I aware of what I am doing? - I’m getting there.
Will I do better? - abso-fucking-loutely.

Of course, I want to tell you that the attention I’ve received has not always been welcome. It has, at least in part, contributed to the sexual abuse I’ve experienced but as more of me unravels and awakens it would be foolish of me to deny the very real entitlement that being considered “pretty” has afforded me.

Although it is not my intention I realise that when I speak of sexual healing I’m speaking as someone who has had very little problems attracting sexual partners.

When speaking of empowerment I’m speaking as a woman who is already thrust into the spotlight, who is already heard.

I have no idea what it’s like to be born on the back foot and I never truly will.

What I can do is use this privilege to share meaningful messages, to spark healing, change and growth and represent the diversity of true beauty, not just the one dimensional, harmful cage we have been given.